Dear “Single me”: how to prepare for marriage

I started to write a letter to you, “single me” from the past: the early 20’s girl who was single and figuring life out. Problem is, my first draft became painfully cliche. “live fully. Go travel. Change your hair. Date some guys and break some hearts (sorry ex boyfriends). Take a career risk, and pour into your church, your family, your friends.”… barf. SO bad. I had to stop and delete it. What I mean is, yes, do all those things. Life doesn’t stop when you get married, but it certainly does change. That’s a topic saved for another post though.

What I really want to communicate is above all, seek Christ.

That’s it. That’s all that matters. It’s the only lasting investment you’ll make in this life. Everything else is temporary and fleeting. Seek Him with everything you have. Do this through prayer, daily devotions, accountability, being active in your church, through serving and giving. It will set the foundation of your future. And if the Lord plans for you to marry, it will be the building block to base your marriage on. Singleness is hard, I know. The dating scene is hard too. And marriage is hard in a whole different way.

When you place two imperfect people in a covenant bond like marriage it’s bound to get messy.

And the only way to bind it together in a way that sticks, is Christ.

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11:36

All things from Him.  All things through Him. And all things to Him. For His glory and His good. That is the context for a God honoring marriage.

Several weeks ago I was feeling emotional and just “blah”. Do you know the feeling? I was impatient and snippy with darling husband and started to blow it off as nothing and walk away. But He grabbed my hand and waited until I looked him in the eye. “You have to talk to me.” He said.

And the whole situation was silly and nothing big but I just didn’t know how to communicate what I was feeling. So he sat there patiently while I tried to put my feelings into words. And you know what, “single me”? It was vulnerable and awkward, yet so freeing.

I share that story to show that ignoring issues, not communicating feelings and expectations, skipping intimacy because you’re too tired, distancing yourself because you’re too wrapped up in work or ministry or whatever might seem like the “easy route” at first. There are so many excuses you can make to put off working on your marriage.

But if you’re not careful, marriage can become just two bodies existing in the same house.

Marriage done well looks like two people seeking Christ daily and loving each other along the journey. Through it, your hearts are intertwined in a way that is sacred and beautiful. It’ll take an investment of time, energy, affection, intentional communication and humility to have a healthy and vibrant marriage.

And in this daily diligence, God is glorified.

Don’t get me wrong, either. Yes, it’s hard work, but marriage is also crazy fun. It really is like having a sleepover with your best friend. You will laugh together, cry together, be weird and goofy together, have big old fights and after apologies are made, enjoy making up. Your dreams will change, your bodies will change, and your jobs will change. Your friends, home, and everything will change and you get to walk through all of it with “your person” by your side.

So, “single me”, start the work now to prepare your heart by seeking Christ first.

And splurge on those shoes now, before you have to explain away another shoe purchase to your husband…

Love,

“happily married” me

#Faith #marriage