Dear Husband: Before the Birth of Our Child

Yes, darling reader, you read the post title right. I’m still here, still very pregnant. Baby is contentedly still cooking and teaching her parents patience already.

This post has been on my heart for a while now… I thought about waiting until baby girl arrived to write it, but in some ways, I think this is better. This way, I can set the expectation of my heart and clearly communicate it with darling husband before the whirlwind of being new parents actually begins.

Dear Husband,

Soon, our daughter will be born. Life as we know it will change. This love that we’ve shared has produced something beautiful- a child, bursting with the promise of the future and the hope of all that’s to come.

And this new season is going to test our marriage in ways we didn’t even think possible. It’s going to be hard, exhausting, challenging, and yet will bring some of the greatest joy we’ve ever known.

You ask and groan about the dirty diapers, the sleepless nights, and whether or not you’ll be able to go fishing as often as before, as if those are your main concern.

But I listen to how you pray over us. And it reveals something more about you.

Your heart longs to keep us safe, to provide for us, to be a good dad-one that is present and helpful, that raises his children to be God honoring and responsible adults.

And I just want you to know that you’ve already begun in how you’ve patiently and gently cared for me and our unborn daughter these last 9 months. You’ve walked alongside me through all of the hormones, emotions, and changes. It’s probably only going to get worse for a time. So thank you in advance for your patience and grace. Thank you for steadfastly loving me through this pregnancy. God is already growing us and will use this parenting thing to grow us even more.

“While we and our spouses fumble along this new, expanding life with respective fears and uncertainties, it’s easy to start on separate paths. The thing is this: We can grow with one another, rather than going our different ways, handling our every-growing families, bodies, and budgets alone. We were created to do this together.” (September McCarthy, Why Motherhood Matters)

Let’s grow and learn together.

And even when it’s hard and awkward, let’s push through all that, and keep communicating with each other.

Let’s find time for “us” even in the midst of the crazy schedules of a growing family. Never stop dating your spouse, right? For a time, those dates might look like enjoying some quiet together in front of the fire pit in the back yard. (Baby monitor close by as sweet girl naps.) It’s not the where or the what of the date, it’s that we are together.

I know you’re scared, nervous, and excited. I am too.

But here’s the bottom line:

I will love you more than our children.

I will choose you over them.

I will seek God as my first love and then pour the overflow into my love for you as my life partner. Because the greatest gift we can give our children is to love each other well.

When we model a healthy marriage rooted in Christ in this fickle, shallow culture, it brings stability, security, and freedom into our children’s lives.

I know, everything about this is completely counter cultural. We live in a world where parent’s lives revolve around their children. It’s give, give, and give some more. I can totally understand being caught up in this. But from the beginning of this journey, we established that this isn’t how we want to parent. I’m committed to that. I know you are too. We might have to remind each other of this from time to time, and that’s OK. It will be a constant journey to find the balance, and we’ll look to the Lord and His Word for wisdom and guidance.

“Hold on to your love. Find it again if you need to, learn to love the new you. Your marriage is worth fighting for, and the effort you sow into the strongest cords of love will be the very fiber that holds you together from this day forward. Your children are waiting for you to model love, remember?” (September McCarthy, Why Motherhood Matters)

I must confess, somewhere in the midst of all the nesting craze (I seriously went crazy with the house projects, sorry- but not really sorry) and preparing the nursery, I lost that little note that has shaped our marriage.  I think it’s time to re write it and put it back up. Because every day is a battle for our marriage, and things are going to get a lot more interesting when we bring a tiny human home with us. But you know what? There’s no one else I’d rather do this life with.

“Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Eph 4:1-3

All my Love,

Em

P.S. I hate to break it to you, but Baby girl already has you wrapped around her finger.

#family #marriage #Motherhood #Pregnancy